Buglia

Friends, Blogging and Life Lessons Learned

Friends, blogging and life lessons learned, stories from the Carr family while on the 9-month journey to today.

Open

Nathalieandjim
Her beauty Just makes me happy!

This is not the first time I have started a blog with some kind of apology or reasoning, for being a few months behind, on what started as a weekly look behind the Carr family curtain. I can honestly say that I miss it. I miss the open-eyed awareness I approached day-to-day life with, while I was always looking for something to write about. It has been more than 9 months since I have written a blog, so it’s time. Time to lift the curtain. Plus there have been a few people on my list of supporters that have been dropping hints and pretty much giving me a hard time about not doing it. So, here we go!

Friends
Family is important. But, you can’t pick them. They are yours whether you want them or not. But, friends however, you are completely in control of. Over the years, Nathalie and I have been very lucky in this regard. Blessed with many great connections and people that have breezed into our lives, for whatever reason, making lasting impressions. Some have breezed out, but the truth is that we could still drop ourselves on a deserted island with any of them and be right back where we were.

I like to think that it’s an “us” thing, as in we are the cool ones, and there may be truth to it, but I think the fact steams from us being pretty much the same, no drama, easy going people we have been most of our lives. We can be loud and fun and we can laugh or cry with the best of them, but we are always true to us.

The realization I have come to this week, thanks to a conversation with one of the true friends, is that we do have a finite amount of time in life, and it would make the most sense to maximize the amount of time you spend with the people that most reflect this thinking. It may even have some kind of time warping, life extending friendship powers, I am not sure, but finding people to hang around with that approach life like this somehow makes the time you spend, that much more rewarding.

The Vase
One of my favourite stories from the past few months involves Julia, our Chief Household Comedic Relief Officer. We have been power watching a number of popular shows this summer. Son’s of Anarchy, Orange is the New Black and Mad Men for short, and it was during one of the Mad Men episodes that Julia had something to say. Now the show is set in the 60’ and the 70’s and aside from the very interesting look into the world of advertising, it is also a look at an era that I am fascinated with.

In this particular episode, a newly married husband and wife are talking about the husband NOT getting the promotion he wanted, and that she wouldn’t understand what it was like, to not get something that you have wanted for a long time. The wife, one of the very strong female leads, gave up her career and life to be his wife, so proceeded to illustrate this point by grabbing a vase, and whacking him over the head. Julia sees this and says, “What did she do that for?” Nathalie explains, “The Husband said something stupid and was being an idiot and she wanted to make the point clear to him”.   Without missing a beat, Julia says, “Quick hide all the vases in here… I am just protecting you Daddy!” Glad to know she’s looking out for me!

Classes
So school has started, and for both girls they are settling into their new classrooms and new educational eco systems. Julia got the grade 7 teacher she wanted to have this term and had for at least a few days all the people she wanted in her class. After the day 10 adjustments, she lost a couple of people that she liked, but was, in true Julia fashion more concerned that those friends at least had some other friends to hang with in their new assignments.

Jordyn in grade 10, was excited to see her friends again, and happy with her classes and teachers. Well… mostly happy. Her only comment was that in her second period class has more than 20 boys and only her. “Even the teacher is a boy Daddy!” she said with a shake the head disgust that made me smile. Now, I’m a bit on the fence whether I think this is a good thing or not, but in the end it may just teach her some valuable life lessons. Like hopefully that 15-year-old boys are silly and she should just stay away from them? Is that too much to ask?

In closing
The last couple of weeks have been filled with some highs and lows. It is always hard around this time of year for us, but more than the beginning of a semester and start of school, and the end of the summer and the season change and the anniversary of my Mom’s death, this year, I have had to deal with a few new things that emphasize change. A couple of weeks ago, one of the most inspiring retired faculty members I have known passed away. I will be writing more on Ron Lowe in coming weeks. This week, one of the guys I have been working with the longest at the College had his retirement party. However, nothing illustrated change and the fact that it is gonna happen whether I want it to or not this week more than a texting conversation I had with Jordyn, so today I close the blog with an edited transcript:

Daughter, “Dad if I dait a gut how many years apart do we have to be 2 or 1”
Dad, “What??? Please ask again, I don’t understand what you are saying”
Daughter, “If I dated a guy how many years apart do we have to be 2 years apart or 1 year apart?”
Dad, “80000 years apart you have to be.”
Daughter, “I don’t know what that means”
Dad, “That means. I don’t want you to date. Ever… But, you asked the wrong parent… Jordyn, you don’t have to be any years apart. It would be better if I guy is a little older than you. But it doesn’t matter. What’s the age of the guy you are interested in? (Always asking the hard questions!)
Daughter, “17”

Dad, “I don’t know. Ask your Mother.”

Now, off to find a quiet corner to curl up and rock myself to sanity.

Thanks for reading and have a great and safe week!

Jim

It’s a Time Warp, Clever Girl, and a Web We Weave

It’s a time warp, clever girl, and a web we weave, the stories from in and around the Carr house for the last weeks of the summer and the first of the fall.

Time
I don’t know why a lyric from the popular Rocky Horror Picture song, “Time Warp” jumped into my head today, other than I suppose I was thinking about getting older and life in general. The line is, “Time is Fleeting”, and although the sentiment is somewhat true and the next line sums up lots about my life, (madness takes its toll), the truth is, if time is fleeting, I think it’s only fleeting with a little f.

This may seem contrary to some of my blog posts in the past, when I have complained about how fast time travels, especially during a vacation or the a hot summer day, but I think life gives us a natural mechanism that helps with perspective, and I never realized it until this week. You know when sometimes the clock will take what seems days to reach 5 o’clock, the kettle will take forever to produce a couple of dribbles of hot water or don’t forget about the pot you are watching that never boils. This yang to the time moving to fast yin, is what gives our life balance.

Case in point, I was thinking just this week, that it seems like forever ago, that I started teaching and that how a simple conversation so long ago, changed my direction in life – the yang. And yesterday morning a pop up reminder of a yearly calendar entry, announcing my God Child’s birthday. It was 18 years ago that Brett was born, and I remember it like yesterday – the yin. Happy Birthday to Brett-Man, and I am so proud, of the strong, confident and smart talented man you have become.

Duck off
When I was in my teens, I will admit I learned how and when to swear. I don’t remember ever getting in trouble for doing so, but I am sure I must have. We used to cleverly reverse the first letters of a two-word statement, as in, “Too mucking Futch” and sometimes get away with inappropriate statements at certain times. I remember hanging out with a good friend and his aunt and uncle having a conversation about that, and his aunt jumping into the conversation, attempting to pull off the reversal, and blowing it in front of us impressionable teens, and us just laughing about it for days.

Jump to an evening a couple of weeks ago, with Nathalie and I sitting on the couch downstairs, and the girls upstairs fighting about something. Having witnessed a number of these types of exchanges up close, both of us, from our comfortable seats watching TV, did nothing to interject. They ALWAYS sort it out themselves. That is until we heard the little one, get increasingly upset, and end with a very loud and clear, “Don’t touch me, just F@#$ OFF!”

Now, never ones to hide our own language around the house, it is clear that we are both somewhat to blame for Julia’s choice in words, but of course, this was the wrong way for a 9 year old to express her displeasure with her sister, so up goes Nathalie. After the top stair announces Mommy’s appearance with a little creak, the scream from Jordyn says it all, “She’s coming!” The next very important parental question has to be, how do you yell at a child that is trying hard to make you laugh? With her head burried under her pillow, and her butt straight up in the air, like an ostrich in the sand she says’, “Please don’t hurt me Mumma!” Well, maybe next time we will discipline.

Itsy Bitsy
Time for another true confession from me; although I am crowned Daddy super spider killer around these parts, the truth is, I only kill the spiders that the girls actually see. I have wished, and shooed and talked many arachnids into leaving on their own accord, without the need to inflict any harm, and have never been caught.

Being the first to awake most mornings, means I am the first in the shower, and one morning the other week, I ran into a little buddy I named Sam, in the shower. I felt giving him a name and an identity would cause him to listen and I pleaded with him to leave the shower before Nathalie found him. I explained that if he were to just scoot around the corner, he would likely remain unseen and therefore keep safe. Other than dropping down an inch or two a couple of times (scaring me a little), and moving around in a little circle, he seemed to not want to heed my warning.

I kind of forgot about Sam, until I was having a talk with Nathalie that night. I asked, how her shower was in the morning. Puzzled, she said, “fine”, then followed it with, “all but the spider that scared the crap of me, but it’s OK I killed him!” I make a shucks face, and she says, “What?” So I say, “I told him to leave and I was so hoping he was going to listen to me”. After the punch I got, I will re-think my approach in the future. RIP Sam.

In closing
We have always been generally positive people around the Carr house. Never had the need to make dally chants or in mirror affirmations, but this week I discovered that at least one of us, has felt the need to make some posters. Some of what is posted, in the way of positive messages, are lyrics from Justin Bieber songs, like, “Never Say Never”, or a simple, “I love my family!” but the statement that first worried me and later warmed my heart, was not from a song or a movie. I am guessing it was inspired by a news report she heard at some point.

Moom's Room
The Writing on the wall

“Never kill yourself just because you think you are not pretty”. I was concerned obviously with the statement at first because it worried me that a 12 year old would even use the words, “kill yourself”. However, in context the fact that she is telling herself, and all who enter her room, that it is not right to allow anyone any power over your feelings, and for that, I have to shed a tear of pride, because my little girl, thinks like an adult.

Off to start my own, I am good enough chant!

Thanks, for reading and have a great and safe week.
Jim

Some Nice Marks, a Bus Ride and Singing a Sorry Song

Some nice marks, a bus ride and singing a sorry song, some stories and thoughts from in and around week 10 in the Carr house.


Sorry
It would seem that I have started a couple of blogs with this same little “sorry I am late” disclaimer, or a reasonable facsimile. Not sure why I feel the need to apologize for my tardiness, other than the fact I normally say I am sorry for just about anything I feel I’ve done wrong, even if I have nothing to do with the situation. Something I have always struggled with I guess. It has started to rub off on the girls, and Nathalie and I have tried to put a stop to it. Now, it is not the apologizing we want to stop necessarily. It is the “I am not even thinking about it, I better say something to stop Mom and Dad from yelling, very quick – sorry” that comes out of their mouths’ faster then you can say wtf.

So since, January, when we catch a “sorry” in this fashion, we both yell to the girls, “5 dollars!” It started simple enough, one night almost as a bit of a game, but now almost 3 months in, we have noticed an improvement. The first night was funny, with Jordyn going 15 dollars ahead of Julia very fast, and Julia gloating and walking around saying, “um, I am liking this game”. In a matter of 15 minutes, she caught up, and started to worry. In fact, when she went to bed, she wrote a letter to Nathalie, pleading for a new punishment, “Mommy, I don’t have 5 dollars, but I do have this change, and some jewelry, please take that instead”, leaving behind about 83 cents, and a couple of mismatched earrings.

I think quite often, we all fall a little victim to this, quick response and sometimes I we need a small hiccup pause before we talk, just to calculate our response a little more. When someone you meet asks, “How are you?” or your parents ask who left their garbage on the table, a split second of contemplation could allow you to be honest, and isn’t that always the best policy? This is a good lesson for life, and YES, because I started this blog with a very quick apology, without too much thought, I will now throw 5 bucks in the jar myself.

Buglia's Award

Marks
A couple of weeks ago, the pride in the house was thick enough to cut with a knife, because of some very good report cards. In my note to myself, reminding me to mention it in my blog, I simply said “marks” but the truth is that we are proud of not only the outcome, but the effort that both our girls put in this term, to warrant their good grades. Both made key improvements in important areas, and although they both still have things to work on, we are so happy with what they have achieved. Congratulations to Julia also, for receiving a “living the virtues” award at the school assembly. Keep up the good work girls!


Singing
I came to an interesting conclusion today, and it involves something we all do in the car, mostly when we are alone. I am sure I am not the only one to sing along with the radio, and even if I am the first to admit that I am unable to carry a tune, I am at some times closer to the intended notes than others. I realized that it is directly related to frame of mind. You see, over the last couple of months, I have not been at 100% with my mood. Blame the weather, and stress at work, or just this time of year, but the fact is when you struggle with these feelings, it must play with my challenging inner ear. I know I am on the road to recovery to the point that today, I belted out the best version of Bruno Mars – Just The Way You Are, I have ever done, and from my front row seat, I was hitting every note!

A Bus
This week, I got chance to say goodbye to a great recent student and a regular blog reader, as she got ready to hop on a bus, that will take her to not only a new town and a new province but a new radio job. I hope that in my goodbye chat with her, I conveyed how proud I was of her, and all that she has accomplished much of which was despite her own personal hardest critic; herself. The proof that she will succeed, and excel at this new opportunity lies in her own accomplishments to this point.

She was so positive that she would not even get into the Broadcasting program to start with, that after the orientation and what she felt was a disasterous attempt at admission test, she went home and recorded a video for her youtube channel, that included a plea to me, to disregard her test score, and just look at the fact that she has the passion it will take to succeed in the program. Here she is, a couple of years later, taking a bus more then 36 hours away with all she owns in three suitcases, ready to take on the world. Best of luck, keep in touch, and I can’t wait for my new radio station mug!

misunderstanding
One of the funniest little girl stories from the last month is one that Nathalie has shared a bunch of times, but it is still worth committing it to permanence that is the World Wide Web. To set the stage, it is morning in the Carr house, I am downstairs sorting out the daily lunches, and Nathalie, between getting herself ready and out of the house, is coaxing the girls to do the same. And by coaxing, I mean frustratingly dealing with a couple of girls that want nothing to do with the morning, let alone getting off to school.

Julia barging into the master bedroom asks Nathalie, “Mom, if you see these little white flower thingies, can you please let me know”. A confused Nathalie responds with a simple enough statement, “Julia, I don’t understand.” Julia calmly repeats herself, “this little white flower things, if you find any, just tell me”, and Nathalie again repeats, “I don’t understand?” Very frustrated now, Julia looks up at Nathalie and says, “Let me explain it slowly so you understand, IFFFFF YOOOUUU SEEE…”

In closing
One of the first times, in my blogging carrier, (if you can call it that) that I mentioned something that the girls had written, came from Julia and her positive affirmation of liking herself. I love that know matter what they hear, or see on TV that both our girls have a positive image of themselves.

Almost everyday, they bring home artwork from school, in which they draw silly pictures, and tell funny stories and cut funny shapes, and although some of it ends up being recycled, we file much of it in a box each school year labeled “school memories”. Some of it, we even take a little for granted and don’t always inspect closely when it first comes home from school.

The other night, after letting Bentley out for his final pee of the night, Nathalie paused at the dinning room table, long enough to let a piece of Julia artwork, catch her eye. It looks like she had to make a certificate, and glued to a pink piece of paper is a white piece, adorned with a squiggly lined, multi coloured boarder. The big yellow crown, and stars are nice, but it is the words that reminded me of how great are kids are. “Julia Carr, shy, creative, singing. Swimming, learning, singing. Happy as a dog. A princess.” I love you Julia!

I am happy as a dog that I finally sat down to recap the comings and going of the Carr’s.


Thanks for reading and have a great and safe week.
Jim