Jordyn

Missing 4 Months, a Signature and a Year of Firsts

Missing 4 months, a signature and a year of firsts, some thoughts and a laugh from in and around the Carr family for another week.

Open
I am happy to say I am feeling more like my normal self. A carefully scrutinized dose of some serious medication, lots of friends’ shoulders and a team of therapists, working around the clock have confirmed my original thought, that I am basically fine and the rest of the world is completely messed up. It has been a few months since I blogged the stories from my little life, and I have forgotten how much I missed it, and how much I get out of it. I write for me, and hope to be read, but in the end if it is only me and the automated spiders at Google that scan the words in the confessions page, I am ok with that too.

One of the reasons I have feared beginning again, was how do I recap the missing 4 months of not writing. And when I mentioned my apprehension to blog reader and great sister, Janey, she gave me the answer I needed to get back at it, “You just do it one sentence at a time Jim”

We had some laughs...
A Trip
4 weeks before May 20th, I had a little conversation with Bentley the super dog, after reading a look in his eyes that reminded my of a line in my favourite poem by Robert Service called “The Cremation of Sam McGee”. In the piece, after a long trek in the cold and snow, the main character – Sam, who hates the weather and is not well, says to his friend and travel companion, “I’ll cash in this trip I guess”. You see Bentley was struggling to make it up the stairs on his own, and the look in his eyes, said it all to me. I am tired, I am in pain, I don’t like this and I am done. I asked him if he was ok, and picked him up, rubbing the back of his neck like I had done so many times before, and he looked away, almost as if to say, please don’t look at me. I knew at that moment for sure, that his 14-year trip with us was drawing to a close.

I tried to sluff off the image, the words, and the whole thought of it, and instead tucked it in my back pocket for a future blog. This blog. The blog that I knew I would write after we had say goodbye to a great dog for the last time on the 20th of May.

Bentley thank you for teaching me the true meaning of unconditional love. Thank you for teaching Nathalie and I, early on in our marriage, not only responsibility, but how to deal with each other, on important issues like destruction of personal property and thank you for always knowing when to bark, when to sit and when to run away, most of the time and most of all, thanks for giving us, someone to run home to.

A Year of Firsts
This has not been the easiest of years for my family or me. One of the themes I have heard of a number of times while making my way through life for the last 365 days, was that for the first year after a loved ones passing, of course it will be difficult, but mostly during significant anniversaries, events or family gatherings. When you mark a date in time, as you have so many times before with that person, it stands to reason that when you have to do that same without that person, your emotions are heightened.

The year of firsts, was full of happy memories, and some sadness and an over all comfortableness over the loss of my Mom. It is not that time has made me forget her, but I think that time has allowed me to appreciate all that she meant to me when she lived even more, and that is a good thing I guess. I don’t hear her voice as much as I did a year ago, but I still can see her smile and when I need to smile myself I close my eyes, and just watch her dance.

In Closing
Somewhere in a box, possibly labeled “old stuff” in my garage, in a large stack of paper is one piece of lined fullscap I know I saved from a life ago. A page that many would look at and immediately think it was a scrap paper with blue or black pen doodle on it, but I kept it because I thought it was a great symbol. Before Nathalie and I got married, when her name was longer, naturally, she had her signature down pat, but she needed to figure out how the “new” name would work in addition to hers, and she must have practiced it a million times. Two dots over the “i” underlines, circles and lines in varying lengths over and under others, all part of an inspiring piece of artwork, the way I look at it.

I remembered that piece of paper this week, after an innocent conversation with Jordyn that ended up making me laugh. She said, “Daddy, when do I get my signature”. Confused, I asked, “What do you mean?” She said, “You know, when do I get to have a signature of my own?” After processing the though of being given your very own signature, I said, “You have a signature now Jordyn, you have a name, so you have a signature. Your signature is something you make. You can have it anytime you want!” She smiled, and said, “Ohh I though like the government would send it to me, and I would have to practice it.”

Off to practice my own signature!

Thanks for reading and have a great and safe week,
Jim

A Rainy Day Monday, Naked Naomi, Birthdays and Mothers

A Rainy Day Monday, Naked Naomi, Birthdays and Mothers, the long lost Carr blog has finally been found and now up online wrapping up week 18.

Naomi
When Nathalie was little, her doll of choice was her Cabbage Patch Kid, Naomi Adeline. Now if you are quick in you head with math and are in complete touch with pop culture, you would be able to figure out that when the worldwide phenomenon of the cute little doll hit it’s stride in the mid 80’s, Nathalie would have been around 14 or 15 years old. So the doll was way more like a future investment item than an actual toy, but nonetheless, it was hers.

When we had girls, and they too received Cabbage Patch Kids for Christmas one year, it seemed like a nice idea to bring Naomi out of her resting state, and let the girls play with her and love her as much as their Mom did and that is just what we did. The girls have been playing with her on and off for a while, but there was always something missing, and I am happy to report that a couple of weeks ago, during a trip to Oma’s they raided her doll clothes, and finally dressed the naked Naomi. Not sure whatever happened to the clothes that she would have been sold with, OR if she spent a whole lot of time, without clothing while in Nathalie’s possession, but she has been bare for a long time that I can remember and I am happy that she has now been covered up.

Rain Rain Go Away
A couple of weeks ago, I laughed as I wrote my Facebook status updated, referencing a Pathetic Fallacy. You see I was a little down, and waking up in the morning to wet weather was frustrating, only to be standing in it for the regular morning duties of Kiss and Ride. For just a second, I had a Disney movie moment image flash in my head, when the hunky lead (that’s me!) has to trudge, reflectively through the wind and rain, with the sad music playing hoping beyond hope that the sexy female lead will appear in a warm car with her magic umbrella, only to find out that the car approaching was a jealous ex-boyfriend, who only slowed enough to hit the puddle just right, so as to give me a good splash.

Gym update
Well I would not say that we have fallen off the gym wagon, but we have jumped off and on over the last few weeks a couple of times. Both Nathalie and I have had knee and or shoulder issues, and in some cases, time issues and as a result we are not as regular visitors as we had been. Having said that, we are still proud to say that we have kept our good eating habits, and attempts at regular water hydration, and as such, have maintained the weight loss, and not gained anything back. We are still very committed, and will be back on the gym track this week.

Graffiti
Truth be told, I hate to see graffiti. However, I will confess here right now that in my 42 years, I have written on a wall in a public place, twice that I remember. The first was during what must have been our first Jim and Nathalie “couple” road trip when we where dating in 1992 or 1993 to Boldt Castle. Such a romantic image, this beautiful building, on one of the 1000 islands’, originally built as a testament of a husbands love to his wife. In one of the yet to be renovated rooms, thousands of “declarations of love” adorned the walls and with all that love floating around, Nathalie and I wrote our names and professed our love for one another.

The second instance of petty vandalism came much later in life, on a birthday trip to Mother Tuckers, for my Dad’s 70th, when we marked the special occasion, by adding our family name to a free brick near the closet, like many had done before us. In both cases, not even close to being trend setters, just another name on a wall of names. Certainly, a bit of a long story to get around, to my original point, that I don’t like graffiti, but I felt I had to share.

This came to mind, while visiting a bathroom stall at work, with certainly no shortage of doodles’ and word dribble to occupy your mind when you are otherwise occupied. A couple of weeks ago, I conceived this entire piece in my head, after spying this little ditty. “If God was a woman then we’d all be sandwiches”. I mean this guy is so right, and I am so glad I had a chance to peer into the mind of a genius. I hope the sarcasm is obvious in my statement… I just don’t get it!

Jordyn’s Hair
It must be hard to be a girl with respect to expectations, and how you see yourself specifically with your appearance. Yes, men have issues too, but there has always been too much emphasis placed on what you look like when you are a girl. Well the other week, Nathalie was having a Mommy moment with Jordyn, and talking about her hair, and her overall displeasure with it and exclaiming, “I hate my hair”. Nathalie was quick on her feet and responded with a, “Don’t ever let me hear you say you hate anything about your body! Your body has parts of me and daddy and all your grandparents – do you hate us?” Jordyn quickly answered with a clear and resounding “No!” I am so glad that first Nathalie will always get those tough talks, and second, that Nathalie always does such a great job in cutting to the truth and to help our daughters love themselves for who they are.

Birthdays
I would a little remiss if I did not cover off some of the significant birthdays that have happened since my last post, and considering this is the busiest time of year for such occasions with us, there have been a few. On the 4th of April, my brother-in-law Earl turned 42; my other brother-in-law Guy turned 50 on the 18th, Nathalie turned 42 on the 23rd (more on that in a second), the girl on the corner, turned 73 on the 24th and on May 3rd, my sister turned (older) and my adopted nephew, Cayce, turned 16. My apologies for anyone else I’ve missed… and Rylan… I know you’ll be turning 16 on the 26th – so Happy ‘early’ birthday to you!

April 24th, 2011
Easter / Birthday Swim
Yes, April and May are what we call Hallmark months, and I am so happy to tell everyone, all reports from the birthday celebrations are all positive. Speaking personally of the party to mark the anniversary of my wife’s birth, it was a super nice night, highlighted by a birthday swim. YES my wife wanted the pool open, for her birthday, and so, we cranked up the heat and that is just what we did. I will let you know how if it was worth the fun we had when the gas bill comes in!

Mothers
When talking with a friend a while back, who lost her mom a couple of years ago, she said that just about every big holiday, or family celebration that happens after a loved one’s passing, is going to be hard. Stands to reason I guess, for the first year or more, you’re still grieving and dealing with the loss and when your emotions are heightened by family gatherings or an event like Mothers Day, you just are more tuned in. Today, in the summer heat, while sitting on the porch, my mind flashed back to Mothers Days’ of the past, and I also saw images of my mom dancing at my wedding and of all things, her face on Christmas morning, opening gifts. Yes it is hard, but it is getting easier. (My Mom blog from September)

I am fortunate to have a good relationship with my Mother-in-law and I look forward to time with her. Today on Mothers Day, she shared with my a bit of a philosophy and perspective on mothering and I was very grateful. She said, “When you are given a child, they are a blank canvas. They become whatever you paint on them”, and I thought first how true that was, and then second I thought how wonderful of a painter she is, to have done such a wonderful job with every brush stroke of love and caring she put into Nathalie to have painted such a wonderful person for me and my girls.

In Closing
So what is it that makes it a perfect day for you? I have a friend at work that answers the question, “How’s it going?” with, “Upright and breathing!” and I laugh, thinking that that would be one way to go. If you break it all down, the perfect day is one you have the same number of exhales as you do inhales and that is just fine I guess, but to me, today would be a great example of a “Perfect Day”; Sun shining, kids playing in the pool, music loud and in the background and guests at our house enjoying a few laughs and some great food. Top that with a little bit of the pride that comes from accomplishing a few things around the house that I have wanted to do for a while, oh yeah, and ice cream and this WAS the perfect day. Mark it down, Mothers Day, 2011 a perfect day in my books!

Hope your day was perfect as well!

Thanks for reading and have a great and safe week.
Jim

The Friend Test, Dads and the Cosmic Powers Beyond our Control

The friend test, Dads and the cosmic powers beyond our control, straight up stories from in and around the Carr house for week 12, NO BULL.

Having a Beer
Had a laugh a couple of times this week, with social media. Nathalie and her BFF are what one might call avid Facebookers’ and as such, have some very funny observations and then post them as status updates for the world to see, or at least the group of people, lucky enough to be their friends.

This week, it was the seemingly strange battle Murphy (as in Murphy’s law) has with Karma and how we always have things to blame for the actions and happenings around us. The ladies both observed, all be it in different ways, that if these two factors just got along for once, things would be a little smoother in the world, and that made me laugh. Yes they come from different cultures, and have different abilities and sometimes different uses in life, but I laughed thinking that if Murphy was having a drink with Karma one day, and they just hashed out their different approaches to making things happen, over a nice cold pint, that they might be able to just work together to make the whole world a better place. See you CAN learn things from Facebook.

Friend Test
When students apply for the program I teach, they fill out a 13-question profile that among other things shows us the passion they have for the industry. One of my favourite questions is, “What are your favourite television programs and radio stations and why?” and it is amazing how many people, applying to a “radio” program say, “I don’t like radio”. The other side of this of course, is the people who pick the TV shows that paint a not so flattering picture of ones character. “I love Jersey Shore, because the acting is so powerful” kind of stuff.

I was talking with a friend at school about it, and laughed at the idea of having a test like this in life, so you can almost eliminate people from your world that for whatever reason don’t share your love of certain types of entertainment. Now of course, opposites do attract, so some of the results would have to be carefully scrutinized, but come on, if you would rather watch one of those Bachelor type reality shows over a good drama or even a smartly written comedy, then is there a place for the that person in you future? Nothing against those types of shows I suppose, but it just makes me laugh that if we had a way of sorting it all out, early on, it may save some fighting about the remote control down the road.

Dads
I have been thinking quite a bit about dads, and their role in your life over the last couple of weeks. A close friend lost her father 2 weeks ago, and that started me thinking about not only my own father, but also the father I am and the one I hope to be one day. One thing occurred to me, if there is one person in your life that teaches you by doing it is your Dad. I had to think about it a lot, but I so totally believe that it is true. My parents divorced when I was 2, and my dad played such a small role in my growing up, that it was hard to draw from my own life example, when so many I know have had their fathers in their entire life. But sometimes the lessons they teach are not always by being there; sometimes the lessons are examples, learned by not being there.

Over my adult life, my father and I have become much closer, and I think I have learned the importance of balance in one’s life, and the need for the fun times from him. I have heard of friends’ fathers that have been involved in their entire life, but as always a “non-supporter”. Although it is hard to imagine that as a good thing, the truth is that most will find a supportive fatherly figure, like a neighbor or teacher that will often fill that void, so that when the person is a parent themselves, they will have learned what they do not want to be like, from what was missing in their life.

I love Saturday Mornings!
So as for the Father I would like to become, I think I want to teach my kids that they can be whatever they want, and do whatever they want in life by being strong and confident a mostly a good person. I have never been a big fan of the statement, “nice guys finish last” and always say in response that I can see way more from the back. My only hope is that this lesson comes through to my girls, more as the lead by example as apposed to the, “what not to do” because I didn’t show them.


In closing
Rides in the car are always fun with the girls, and this week I got a very interesting question from Jordyn. I knew it was going to be interesting by the way it started, “Dad, we watched a video in class yesterday about a boy and a girl” Jordyn said with a smile on her face. I turn the radio down, prepare for the worst and rehearse the line I have practiced in my head for as long as I have had children. “Ok, so with the penis, is it true that it is one size, then it gets wet, and it goes straight up?”

Now while I pause here for dramatic affect, later that day, when I bumped into her teacher in the office at school, I thanked her for the lesson and the question in the car, and she laughed, adding that they had talked about erections, but after a boy in the class asked about wet dreams and waking up with one. So that must be where the “wet” came into the lesson. Jordyn remembered, wet, straight up and penis and just tied them all together.

OK, back the answer, and how I have always planned to answer the tricky sex question, “Jordyn it is not quite like that, and maybe you should go ask your Mom.” Confident it went well, I relaxed my shoulders for a second only to have her respond, “But Daddy, why would I ask Mommy, she doesn’t have a penis, that is why I am asking YOU!” Good point Jordyn, ah man, I am screwed!

See I always thought having one of these things was kind of fun, but now I am not sure!

Thanks for reading and have a great and safe week!
Jim