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March Break, a Sad Good Bye and a life lesson about expectations, the week that was week 45 for the Carr’s hits the blog-o-sphere

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March Break
We have an extended family that is always willing to help with the girls when it comes to sitting or even over night stays. I like to think that part of the reason they are always so willing to help is that the girls are cute, always funny and in general, they don’t eat too much, but I may be forgetting that they are also so well behaved when they are with others. This week for March break, our great family, namely Oma and Opa invited the girls to their house for the annual “Oma Boot Camp”. This year it was even a little more timely, because of the long list of work we need to get done on the house. Thanks to Oma for taking on that responsibility, and also thanks for giving us the added bonus of time alone for reconnecting. Nathalie and I flashed back to pre-kids early married life and only had to worry about remembering to feed the dog! The good news, we didn’t forget once.

Sad Goodbye
For the last 7 years, besides us, and the great teachers at the girl’s school, the one consistent caregiver in our girl’s lives has been Karen. It was Karen, our babysitter that removed many of the girl’s wiggly teeth and tended to the skinned knees received at school, after getting off the bus and it was Karen that had to deal with little kid drama when someone said something about someone else. As simple as hug when they where sad or a pat on the shoulder when they did something good, it has been Karen that has made a difference in the girls life, before and after school.

We have grown to be good friends with her and her husband and have watched her children move from their teens to responsible adults. In fact, Nathalie gave their daughter a job 5 years ago that she has been able to turn into a career by moving up in the company, long after Nathalie left. Their son was our hired painter when we moved into our new house and when the workload turned into a much bigger job then any of us thought, it was Karen and her husband that jumped in and spent many evenings here helping us get ready to move in. True friends for sure!

I titled this piece a “sad goodbye” because today I helped them load the last bit of their stuff into the moving truck that was pointed west to their new house in Milton. With this move comes our need to change to a new sitter for the girls and that makes it a very sad goodbye, because the girls have grown so much in this time with Karen in our lives. We wish them all the best and although a simple thank you will never equate to the love and caring they have give to us and our family over these years, the thanks we do give is drenched in respect and admiration and a commitment to stay in touch.

Expectations
Dad type speech alert! If you are not in the mood, or perhaps not ready to hear a life lesson wrapped in one of those “What does that mean” story, you may want to skip to the next section. You see, I have always had an issue with expectations and this week, I think I finally nailed down one of the causes, thanks to Nathalie pointing it out to me. I don’t verbalize things that I expect to happen enough. I am sure that this is the reason why many people are disappointed when things don’t work out the way they wanted. They blame others for not doing things a certain way or complain out loud that things didn’t work out, but yet they probably, like me never told the parties involved, what it is that they expected before hand. I think next week, I am going to try much harder at telling people what it is that I expect to happen before it happens, and see if it helps.

In closing

You would think that in the girl’s absence this week, the comedy well of “little girl quotes” would be bone dry but it is NOT. Just a few hours after I posted last weeks’ blog and after some much needed sleep, the whole family had to get up early Saturday morning, to take a new family picture. When you combine, an earlier then normal wake up call, and the stress of 4 people trying to get ready under time constraints, there is bound to be a little drama. Surprisingly though, it was well orchestrated largely because Nathalie told me that the pictures where at 9:20AM when they where actually scheduled for 9:50. I think in the end, that 30-minute breathing room was the difference!

Now to the drama! Jordyn, not a big fan of the morning on good days, was not in the mood to make too much of an effort getting dressed, so when Nathalie told her that the white tights that she picked did not work and that she needed to find black ones, her response was a very quick “I don’t have any”. Overhearing this and knowing that she didn’t even look, Julia pipes in with a “you have some in your top drawer, Jordyn”. This information from anyone, especially her little sister, was not well received so Jordyn protested loudly “NO I DON’T”.

Meanwhile, as Jordyn is continuing to complain, Julia walks to Jordyn’s drawer, opens it up, grabs a pair of black tights, and runs up to her and while waving them in her face, proudly says “Don’t want to tell you so, BUT”. That was it. “BUT”. I have to remember that! Sometimes it is not what you say, or how you say it, but what you don’t say that makes all the difference in the world.

Saying “Have a great and safe week, and thanks for reading” works for me!
Jim

The winner is, a busy week and the circle of life, the well-rounded, family friendly week that was number 44 in the Carr household.

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Winner
Well, I won a new truck this week, two new trucks actually. Or maybe it was one truck and cheque for $10,000. I am not quite sure; you see I didn’t get a good look at what it was that was under the rim at Tim’s because I did not get a chance to roll up my rim. I did get a cup, and I did roll a rim, but two times this week, I did not get the cup I was meant to get. Has this ever happened to you? You place your order and you watch the staff pour the wrong mixture in the cup and when you mention it to them, they promptly correct the issue, by replacing the original winning cup with a new “non-winning” cup, of course this time mixed the correct way. Well that was me twice this week. Two separate times, a sure victory snatched from my grasp and nothing to show but an empty tea stained cup. Some would look at the silver lining and perhaps say that fate is something you can’t predict, so perhaps the second cup is MY cup. But all said and done, I would still like the first cup!

Family
It was sure great to have my sister and her family here for a short visit and we were lucky enough to get together a bunch of times. On Tuesday night, we made the trip up to Caledon on the eve of their departure, and chatted and laughed and even cried a little. In 6 days, we were able to get together for 4 of them, and it was so good to see everyone.

Busy week
For the last 5 years, on the Monday of the world famous Canadian Music week, the Ontario Association of Broadcasters, hold their career development day. All Ontario College and University students, studying broadcasting are invited to gather and hear speakers and take part in small group round table discussions about the industry. I only mention it this year, because this was the first year that I was the chair of the committee that organized the event and this was the biggest year yet. We had more then 200 students, and by all accounts the feedback was great!

Capping off Music Week for me this year, was the annual RMB Crystal Awards lunch, and this year it was a little extra special. I normally run into a number of grads and a bunch of people I know throughout the event and this year was the same, but what was very cool was that two of my grads were up for awards. I am so proud to congratulate Azeem from the class of 2005 for his silver in the station promo category, and Adam from the class of 1999 for his gold award in the station single category.

Circle of Life
In the week that we can finally officially announce that close friends of ours, Jeff and Colleen are expecting a baby in September, and the same week another friend is about to give birth, I am reminded that life has two sides. You see this week is the anniversary of the passing of two significant people in my life. Big John Small, a colleague and good friend was the kind of guy that would give you the shirt of his back. I never had the pleasure of being one of his students, but yet he taught me so much. My favorite lesson; love what you do! A motivational personality to a fault, John was the go to guy for so many of his close friends who, when needed the right advice, an honest opinion or a kick in the ass, John was the man.

When I was in grade 6, my best friends mother almost adopted me as one of her own children. I spent a great deal of time with his family and grew as a person over my time with them, but time has a funny way of moving along. The last time I talked with Trina, more then 20 years ago, I was going in a different direction in life and chose the path that lead me away from my friend and his family so I never had the closure I wish I had. When she died 3 years ago, I thought about the last time I talked with her, when I told her I was going back to school. My hope is that she somehow understood that I needed to do what I needed to do for me and that I hope she somehow knew I had a tremendous respect for her.

My hope is that the spirits of these two people have already found their way into the hearts of others, or perhaps will even be seen in the eyes of the new life yet to come. We will all be the better for it.

In closing
As with most weeks, the great conversations with the girls are in the car, and we always try to turn them into some kind of life lesson. In a parking lot, while Nathalie was in a store, noticing one of those kids in a “Little Ceasar” costume by the side of the road waving a $5.99 sign, Julia says, “I feel so sorry for the person in the costume”. “Why do you feel sorry for them Julia?” I ask. “Well, they must be hot in there, and also no one is stopping! They are just ignoring them”. Insert life lesson here, “Well Julia, they are getting paid for what they are doing, it is their job. They are probably not that hot, and the cars are not stopping, because it is the middle of the street. If they are hungry, they are pulling into the parking lot, to buy a pizza. Sometimes, you need to do a job that is not the coolest, but it is a job and there is nothing wrong with it”. I sit back proud of my dad speech and look in the mirror to see if the wheels are turning, and as she watches the kid in the suit, franticly wave his great deal sign, she says “They still look a little silly!”

Looking a little silly in my own way, waving MY own sign, I say have a great and safe week and thanks for reading!

Jim

A great surprise, rocks in my head and a good friend, the heartfelt smile enriched Carr blog for week 43 online!

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Rocks
This week two stories, each about a rock. One is just a little bit shinier then the other, but both are important. I start with the rock in my pocket. I have had it in there for a couple of years, and although I am not sure of the true origin, what I have grown to accept as its story has its roots in the virtue rocks at the girl’s school. You see, their school aligns a particular virtue with a month in the school term, and uses it to encourage the students to learn and practice a particular virtue and if they are caught showing it, they award them with a certificate and in some cases, a small rock or pebble, with the particular virtue written on it. Now, the rock in my pocket has no inscription, or notation, so I shift its virtue to whatever the situation or time suits. It can be kindness, or empathy, or acceptance, or hope or anything that I need to mentally reward someone or even myself for showing.

Jump to the second rock, and my need to offer my thanks to a friend for showing me a great virtue, generosity. For the last 5 or 6 years, my wedding band has been missing one of its’ small diamonds. I have always wanted to take it in and have it fixed, but just never got around to it. About a month ago, we got talking with good fiends of ours, and the topic of jewelery came up. One thing led to another and she mentioned that she has a bunch of small diamonds left over from some old jewelery and she was sure they had one that would fit and if I wanted it I could have it. If that wasn’t good enough, she says “If you want, I have a great jeweler, so if you give me your ring, I will take it in, and have it done in a couple of days”. Now it has been 3 weeks since I got my ring back and it is great, but until I found my pocket rock this week, and was reminded of the kindness shown, I realized I did not mention it in my blog. I wanted to share the story of the two rocks this week, to offer encouragement to you to show a virtue and if you do, you may have a rock coming to you too.

Friend
I started writing this last week, mostly in my head. I wanted to have it last week, because it was 5 years ago last week that I lost my friend Michael, so the timing was right, but I just could not get the words on the paper to mean as much as I wanted them to, so I had to keep working.

Michael Monty was not only a great teacher and an inspirational speaker, a great writer and a tremendously giving person but he was also a good friend. 5 years ago last week I attended the professional development committee meeting of the Ontario Association of Broadcasters, at the Rogers Radio Campus in Toronto as an invited guest of Michael’s, who chaired the committee. This was my first meeting with the OAB, and I mostly sat and watched and listened, and agreed to things that were being talked about and when it was finished, I can still remember thanking Michael for the invite. I watched him put on his over coat, and I waited with him has he caught the elevator and we talked about how he was loving his recent retirement, and how great he felt. When I got home later that day, I called him at home and left a message to thank him again for the opportunity he was giving me by inviting me to the OAB board, and how much I looked forward to working with him. What I did not know then, was that the return voice mail message that he left for me was the last I would hear from him. The next morning, after seeing his wife off to work, feeling a little under the weather, he went back to bed.

Sometime during his peaceful rest, he suffered a heart attack and passed away; The writer and voice silenced.

I kept that message on my phone for more then a year, and would listen to it sometimes when I was having a bad day, or when I just needed to hear his voice. It was nothing more then your “Hello Jim, it’s Michael returning your call, and my home number is…” and in retrospect, there was not the strength and tone in his voice, there normally was, but it meant a lot that I had it, and could retrieve it with a couple of key strokes on a phone.

I have had the good fortune to have several “father figures” in my life, and although when I joked with Michael that he was like a father to me, he would always give me a hard time, I truly feel that I, am better off because I had Michael in our life. Over the 14 years I knew him, I was lucky enough to see him on different levels. First a student, then a colleague and finally a friend and I learned so much from him, so to boil it down to one point, hardly seems fair. But if there is one thing that I can always hear him telling me in the back of my mind, it is “to always give a shit”. It can be something you are doing that is small, or a major project that you are working on, if you always remember to just give a shit, you will always make a difference.

Surprise!
There is something to be said about a great surprise and this week not only did I get one, but so did a whole bunch of people in my family. A surprise, in the form of an unannounced visit from my sister and her boys, so needlessly to say, we were a little shocked but in a very good way. The timing was great too, because of a planned 70th birthday party for my uncle today, my sister got to see almost all the extended family. The party was also a surprise for the birthday boy, so I guess the theme for this whole weekend was a true surprise. Thanks to Lori and Glen for hosting the shin-dig, and thanks to Janey for making this weekend a great surprise! Only wish it was for just a little longer of a stay. More on the visit, next blog!

In closing
I said last week, I would make sure to end with 2 Carr girl quotes so here you go! When we are all out, we often need to split up, so the kids are always given the option to “pick a parent” and quite often it is Jordyn with Nathalie, and me with Julia. When we had two stops to make Monday night, the split went the normal way, and when we made our stop, I asked Julia to hand me something and when she did, she gave me a shock. I told her she has an electrifying personality, and she told me it happens all the time and that she is like “electric girl”. I laughed and then she said “sometimes I am burp girl, and Jordyn is fart girl, but then sometimes I am electric girl”. For the record, I am much better with the latter!

Today, while leaving skating, Julia was complaining about being a little hot, and asked for us to stop off at home, before we went to the party, so she could change. Always wanting to give people a hard time about things, I tell her it is going to cost her, and I wanted to know how much money she had in her pocket. She told me “I have nothing now, but if we stop, I have a toonie at home”. Not wanting to take her money, I tell her “I will take a kiss instead of her money” and with out pausing, she says “I would rather just pay the money”. With Nathalie laughing loud enough for the car next to us to hear, Julia then adds “Well, I can give you both if you want”. For the record, I did get both, but have put the toonie back in her piggy bank when she was not looking.

Let’s hope, there is either a toonie or a kiss in your future!

Thanks for reading and have a great and safe week!
Jim